This past week, I was feeling a bit down. I sometimes felt isolated. I have had this feelings before when I felt like, I don't want to open up because it is not reciprocated nor do I attempt to initiate friendship because I know it will not happen?
I was stepping back from my calling in YW a bit. I just struggle reaching out to YW via parents that don't reply. I struggle with being ignored specially when I know it's so easy to communicate and reply at the tap of your finger tips. I started to put that guard up of not to care so much or get too involve because frankly, it's just hard, I get drained and then I struggle even more.
I have been trying to get through my 8 hour course of professional development course and I find that my memory is not so great. I am unable to focus as before. I have been on my knees asking the Lord to help me understand and retain what I am reading. Everyday, I pray to just have enough strength to make it through the day, to have inspiration and motivation.
After I had fed the kids breakfast and got them logged on to their classes, I went down to my office and I got a text message from someone I did not expect from. Shayla Strickland is my advisor in YW for the younger girls, I felt that I could never reach her. She never attends the zoom meeting with YW nor attempts to reply with any emails or text. But this time, she was inviting my family to the ranch (133 acres) to try out some games and groom the mini horses, and have some play time in order for them to get photos of us that they can use for their website, they are planning to start a Family Retreat business. I jumped at the opportunity, and I had to check back on my phone to see whether that was actually happening. She would be the last person I expected to get a text from and cheer me up today.
As soon as I replied to her text, I said a prayer in my heart for gratitude for this tender mercy of the Lord. He heard my prayer and I felt his love. I also had to repent, as I did have different expectations from Shayla, but the Lord always knows each one of us, and I needed his help to see things His way.
I feel like Elias is also struggling with isolation due to covid-19. As a mother, I pray that he is able to manage through these tough times. I sometimes feel guilty as I can only do so much to entertain them, but I hope and pray for further inspiration. In fact, i have been praying that the newly constructed family across the street has someone his age to be able to related to. Somehow, even as an adult I find it hard to have people respond to try to connect and I try to do the same for him and reach out to Sally's or Will's mom but I just can't get the replies for them to attempt to get together for our youth's sake. I speak with Audrey and Adam sometimes to remind them to be Elias' best friend.
I pray for him and I pray the Lord will provide a way for him to find friendship, good friendship.
