November 24, 2019 Forgiveness: Dream of my Papang

Sunday. Yesterday, Scott came home at 4:30 am, he worked almost 22 hours on Friday to Saturday. It's his busy time of year at work. Cummins is said to be laying of about 2000 engineers worldwide. Upon hearing the news, at our first opportunity,  I gathered the kids together and read scriptures and said our prayers. Explaining to the kids the nature of the situation and that we do need to invoke the power of prayer. I am thankful for such wonderful children, the hopes and desires of my heart is that they gain their own testimony of the gospel, that is my priority. It doesn't always show in my daily routine with them as much as I should, but it's always something we can improve on as a family.

I had the kids learning Spanish as one of our family's goal. The first Presidency introduced the new Youth program, which is basically setting goals in 4 categories, Physical, Intellectual, Spiritual, and Social. I love setting goals and praying about them and seeking the Lord's will on how to accomplish them. I am looking forward to making this change and challenge a part of our lives in our seeking for improvement.

As I was reading the talk given by Elder Gonzales, The Savior's Touch (October 2019), which is to be our Relief Society lesson today, I suddenly remembered the dream that I just had. As I was reading about the individuals with leprosy, how they were treated with social stigma and always had to be separated from families and lived in isolation, I was taken a back with a flash back from my dream and an image of Papang appeared in my memory. The thought of his last days, I felt I treated him with isolation, and treated him like one with leprosy as he lived in the corner of our kitchen /dining area.  In my dream, he stood open arms in search for me. He was surround with about 3 other individuals of whom I cannot quite tell. It was well a lit room, I did not see windows or doors or any furniture, it was just an open white room. As he stretched his arms, almost as if he was blind, he walks forward in search for me as if he had been longing to reach me. I stood a few steps away about his right side. I hesitated at first only for a second, my hesitation came because of how he looked. He looked just like in mortal life, with his plaid long sleeve dress shirt, and brown corduroy pants and brown shoes. I almost could smell the way he smelled back then when it seemed like alcohol was escaping through the pores of his skin. As I made the choice to move closer, I suddenly fell on his neck. He sobbed and ask for my forgiveness. I sobbed on his shoulder and replied, "please forgive me." It was I that needed his forgiveness. I knew the gospel and he did not. It felt so strange to hug him. I felt that his stomach was empty and hollow, and I can feel his ribs digging into me as we hugged. It seemed as though he came back from the grave. But that was all in the dream.

Tears run down my cheek as I ponder this dream. I do hope someday I can meet him, and hug him without hesitation. I do hope he is learning about the gospel and pray he would accept. Can our prayers aid those that are in the spirit world? I actually do not know, I always heard it works the other way around.

The room looked similar to this, but so much more brighter than this and roomier. 

November 22, 2019 The power in the scriptures and words of the prophets!

Friday. I was up earlier than normal, I had an hour head start before the kids had to wake up at 6:30 am. I was able to do my gym ball exercise. I got to read my scriptures before I started my day. I had a client meeting for year end tax planning today, my first one, I think it went well. Around the same time, the inspector came and we failed the insulation test. Something got missed by the insulator so we had to re schedule. Over all, my day was busy. Elias missed the bus this morning, I ended up driving him to school and decided to go get my turkey for Thanksgiving at food lion.
I have just recently set up a facebook Spanish group here at Lake Royale, hopefully I can learn to speak Spanish. Although, it's mostly chat on line but hopefully we can start meeting at the clubhouse once I submit the request and be granted permission.

Adam and Audrey went with the Viancos to watch a magic show in Raleigh. It's 10 pm and they are not back yet. Scott also has a busy week at work, it's calibration time so we don't see much of him this week. We have started with the de construction of the single garage and so I spent some time cleaning the work area.

Something I read today, and what I have listened to from President Hinckley's talk in October of 2000 General Conference, Priesthood Session: "Great Shall Be The Peace of thy children." It pierced me that I am permitted to approach the throne of God in prayer, the God who created the universe, who created life, that I can be so bold to approach him in prayer and request and supplicate before him. And yet I must for it is my duty to rely on the mercy and guidance of the almighty, for it is His only desire to is for my happiness, and for that I must trust in Him for he knows the how I can be happy.

I thoroughly enjoyed my scripture study this morning; I almost did not want it to end. I realized I love the different scriptures for each reason. Well, the old testament for it's great history, and amazing and powerful experience shared by prophets of old, the New Testament for it recorded the life of the Savior, the Book of Mormon for it is another testament of Christ, the Pearl of Great price I love for bring the heavens closer and clearer to my view. I particularly like and drawn to reading the Doctrine and Covenants, not for it's historical content, but the fact that it is the Lord speaking in the book. It is the only book on earth prefaced by the Savior, and in deed the only book that contains more of direct teachings and counsel from the Master himself. I am so thankful I get to read it.

I almost tremble at the words I read, the Master speaks to me. I feel like Nephi wishing I were an angel and could have the wish of my heart, but alas my mortal weakness weighs me down with sorrow because of my imperfections and the many things I need to improve on, but I am grateful for the opportunity for every minute, hour, day, weeks and months, and years I am yet permitted to live that I may glory and triumph over my mortal desires and have an eye single to the glory of God.