November 24, 2019 Forgiveness: Dream of my Papang

Sunday. Yesterday, Scott came home at 4:30 am, he worked almost 22 hours on Friday to Saturday. It's his busy time of year at work. Cummins is said to be laying of about 2000 engineers worldwide. Upon hearing the news, at our first opportunity,  I gathered the kids together and read scriptures and said our prayers. Explaining to the kids the nature of the situation and that we do need to invoke the power of prayer. I am thankful for such wonderful children, the hopes and desires of my heart is that they gain their own testimony of the gospel, that is my priority. It doesn't always show in my daily routine with them as much as I should, but it's always something we can improve on as a family.

I had the kids learning Spanish as one of our family's goal. The first Presidency introduced the new Youth program, which is basically setting goals in 4 categories, Physical, Intellectual, Spiritual, and Social. I love setting goals and praying about them and seeking the Lord's will on how to accomplish them. I am looking forward to making this change and challenge a part of our lives in our seeking for improvement.

As I was reading the talk given by Elder Gonzales, The Savior's Touch (October 2019), which is to be our Relief Society lesson today, I suddenly remembered the dream that I just had. As I was reading about the individuals with leprosy, how they were treated with social stigma and always had to be separated from families and lived in isolation, I was taken a back with a flash back from my dream and an image of Papang appeared in my memory. The thought of his last days, I felt I treated him with isolation, and treated him like one with leprosy as he lived in the corner of our kitchen /dining area.  In my dream, he stood open arms in search for me. He was surround with about 3 other individuals of whom I cannot quite tell. It was well a lit room, I did not see windows or doors or any furniture, it was just an open white room. As he stretched his arms, almost as if he was blind, he walks forward in search for me as if he had been longing to reach me. I stood a few steps away about his right side. I hesitated at first only for a second, my hesitation came because of how he looked. He looked just like in mortal life, with his plaid long sleeve dress shirt, and brown corduroy pants and brown shoes. I almost could smell the way he smelled back then when it seemed like alcohol was escaping through the pores of his skin. As I made the choice to move closer, I suddenly fell on his neck. He sobbed and ask for my forgiveness. I sobbed on his shoulder and replied, "please forgive me." It was I that needed his forgiveness. I knew the gospel and he did not. It felt so strange to hug him. I felt that his stomach was empty and hollow, and I can feel his ribs digging into me as we hugged. It seemed as though he came back from the grave. But that was all in the dream.

Tears run down my cheek as I ponder this dream. I do hope someday I can meet him, and hug him without hesitation. I do hope he is learning about the gospel and pray he would accept. Can our prayers aid those that are in the spirit world? I actually do not know, I always heard it works the other way around.

The room looked similar to this, but so much more brighter than this and roomier.